I imagined that my post- radiation and post-chemotherapy days would be happier, better. Suddenly my body would get a much needed break from R & C, a break from some of the medications prescribed to control side-effects, and I would start to feel... relief? I am more miserable than ever. My head is constantly aching. My poor muscle by my right temple that was removed and replaced during surgery is always angry. I am so tired all the time and my arm and leg affected by the stroke demonstrate that fatigue when they don't want to cooperate much of the day, and then cramp up at night. I wake up each morning around 4:30 am feeling beat up. Fortunately, I have found that getting up and making myself useful until I can rest again helps distract me from my woes.
As of late, when I'm allowing my misery to overcome me, a snippet at the end of the song "Waltz for Eva & Che" from Webber's musical Evita comes to mind over and over again: Oh what I'd give for a hundred years But the physical interferes Every day more, O my Creator What is the good of the strongest heart In a body that's falling apart? A serious flaw, I hope You know that
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December 2020
About MeMy name is Andrea. I'm a Mormon mom in my 40's and I am fighting a rare type of brain cancer: Anaplastic Astrocytoma. |